


Mean Spies

by sodenoshirayuki_23



Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Humour, M/M, just for fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-20 06:47:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8239837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodenoshirayuki_23/pseuds/sodenoshirayuki_23
Summary: Everyday talks of spies in their free time. A.k.a. "We show our support to Sakuma by bullying him" au.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!! I decided to create a diff version of humour by creating my own and some are by using some famous references that we probably all know already. 
> 
> This isn't meant to trigger anyone. This is just for fun, so please enjoy!

**#1**

**"Sometimes I look at people and question myself, 'Is that really the sperm that won among 250 million others?' "**

-Hatano, right after observing Sakuma who have just walked around the room.

**•••**

**#2**

**"You know, you should have put a condom on your head if you're gonna be such a dick."**

-Sakuma and probably Odagiri too, to the rest of the spies. 

**•••**

**#3**

**"I find joy in people's misery. Especially yours."**

-Jitsui to everyone tbh.

**•••**

**#4**

**"Miyoshi likes to tease Sakuma, but that's only a front because we all know that *he just wants the Imperial Army D."**

-Hatano.

_*Reference: A comment on one of my fics._

**•••**

**#5**

**"I happen to be.. A hero!" -** Sakuma

 **"Boooooo!!!"** \- D-agency, except Miyoshi maybe. Because it's true that he wants the Imperial Army D.

_*Reference: Hercules (animated)_

**•••**

**#6**

**"Every time I see you, I smile at how beautiful you are."**

-Miyoshi, in front of the mirror.

**•••**

**#7**

**Kaminaga: Admit it, Hatano. You still love me.**

**Hatano: *If you have a sister and a dog, I'd choose the dog.**

_*Reference: Pirates of the Caribbean, On Stranger Tides._

**•••**

**#8**

**"As I walk into the valley of death..."**

-Probably Sakuma everytime he enters the training facility.

**•••**

**#9**

**Jitsui places two loaves of bread on either side of Sakuma's face.**

**Jitsui: What are you?**

**Sakuma: An Idiot Sandwich.**

**•••**

**#10**

**"This meat is so raw, I can hear it saying, 'Tautology, with enough faith, one can even worship a sardine's head.'"**

-Miyoshi to Sakuma, during extra-curricular cooking lessons because Fukumoto isn't present for some reason.

**•••**

**#11**

**Sakuma:  But without my voice, how can I make Miyoshi fall in lo--**

**D-agency: AAABBSSS.**

**•••**

**#12**

Yuuki took all eight spies into an isolated island, as a test for their survival skills.

 

Aboard a helicopter, he speaks through a mic.

**"Goodbye, you little shits."**

**•••**


	2. Chapter 2

**#13**

**"I do usually insult people. But when I don't, I do."**

-Hatano & Jitsui

**•••**

**#14**

**Miyoshi: So you're, like, really pretty.**

**Sakuma:  Uh, thank you.**

**Miyoshi: So you agree?**

**Sakuma: What?**

**Miyoshi: You think you're really pretty?**

_Reference: Mean Girls_

**•••**

**#15**

** Yuuki: Where are they?**

**Sakuma: Oh, they went to their usual nightout.**

**Yuuki:  But they are all grounded.**

**Sakuma: Are they not allowed out when they're grounded?**

_Reference: Mean Girls_

**•••**

**#16**

**"Jitsui is like a flower. Ya know, the kind of flower that when you touch, you die."**

-Hatano to Sakuma.

**•••**

**#17**

**"Once there was an flirty spy.  He was so flirty,  that he caught a disease and died. The end. "**

-Miyoshi while glaring at Kaminaga, who just insulted his hair. 

**•••**

**#18**

**Sakuma: How do you sleep at night?**

**Jitsui: On silk sheets, rolling naked on people's misery and mischief.**

**•••**

**#19**

**"Once there was a stupid Lieutenant. He was so stupid,  that everybody died. The end."**

-Jitsui to Sakuma. 

**•••**

**#20**

**Miyoshi: Did you know you can reach your orgasm faster when you do it while still wearing socks?**

**Sakuma: Why are you telling me this?**

**•••**

**#21**

Yuuki brought the spies near the edge of a awfully high cliff where there is water underneath.

**Yuuki: Lieutenant, as part of your training, you are to jump from here to find Hatano and Fukumoto. Retrieve the information they have, and come back as soon as you can.  You also need to practice your diving and swimming skills on the process.**

**Kaminaga: Sakuma-san? *What makes you think he'll come back?**

**Sakuma: Yes, what makes you think he'll come back?**

_*Reference: Pirates of the Caribbean, On Stranger tides._

_**•••** _

**#22**

**Hatano: Do you want to see me humiliate Sakuma-san?**

**Hatano: Do you want to see me do it again?**

**•••**


	3. Chapter 3

**#23**

**"Let me just say from the bottom of my heart, my bad."**

_**-**_ Miyoshi to Sakuma,  after that Gordon Incident. 

**•••**

**#24**

**"I came here to play poker and I'm seriously feeling so attacked right now."**

-Sakuma after hearing what Joker Game is about from the spies and Yuuki.

**•••**

**#25**

Sakuma and Miyoshi hanging around the mall for their date. Modern au. 

**Miyoshi: *clutches Sakuma's arms and points to a particular store.***

**Miyoshi: *bats eye playfully***

**Miyoshi: Let's have that couple shirt!**

**Sakuma: O-ok. *stares at where Miyoshi is pointing***

_T-shirt designs: I'm with stupid. / I am stupid._

**Sakuma: ...**

 

_**Cue Kaminaga and Hatano laughing somewhere near. The others are spying them.** _

•••

**#26**

**"They may be jerks and assholes.  But they are my sons.  My jerk and asshole sons."**

-Yuuki to Sakuma. 

•••

**#27**

" **If everything seems to be going your way,  just wait for life to come fuck you up and say,  'Gotcha!  Bet you aren't expecting this???' I am life."**

-Hatano to Sakuma. 

**•••**

  **#28**

**Miyoshi: I have an asshole,  and you have a dick.  What a coincidence!**

**Sakuma: I have work, and I have feet too. What a coincidence!  *Leaves***

**•••**

**#29**

**"The fact that Jellyfishes have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is good news for you."**

-Jitsui to Sakuma. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference for the whole chapter : Mulan (Animated Movie)

**#30**

**Sakuma: Who are you?**

**Hatano: Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Hatano!**  
**[revealing himself]**

**Hatano: Oh. Ha, ha. Pretty hot, huh?**

**D-Agency: Booooo you short as fuck.**

**•••**

**#31**

**"Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family!**  
**Dishonor on you, dishonor on your abs!"**

-Miyoshi to Sakuma

**•••**

**#32**

**Fukumoto:** *stuffing breakfast into Odagiri's mouth* 

**Fukumoto: No time to talk. Now remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, one of the other kids wanna fight, then you have to kick the other kid's butt.**

**Odagiri:** *muffled* **But I don't wanna kick the other kid's butt.**

 **Fukumoto: Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.**  
*Odagiri looks at him with mouth full of porridge *****

**Odagiri: Rrrgh!?!**

**Fukumoto: There! That's what I'm talking about! That's my tough-looking warrior! Now go out there and make me proud!**

**•••**

**#33**

**Sakuma: Yuuki-san sent a little lizard to help me?**

**Hatano: Hey! Fuck you! Dragon. Dra-gon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing.**  
***hisses***

**•••**

**#35**

**Sakuma: You're, um...**

**Hatano: Intimidating? Awe-inspiring?**

**Sakuma: Tiny.**

**Kaminaga: Of course. He's travel-size for your convenience. If he was the same size as normal grown men like us, you here would die of fright.**

**Hatano: You are both going to hell.**

**•••**

**#36**

**"You know, we have to work on your people skills."**

-Amari to Sakuma

**•••**

**#37**

**Yuuki: Let's get down to business--**

**Spies: --to defeat--**

**Yuuki: TO do a 2 mile run because we failed to shut up about a song we got from a movie.**

**Spies: Shit.**

**•••**

**#38**

**Jitsui: Gentlemen, I need firepower.**

**MP: Who are you?**

**Jitsui: Your worst nightmare.**

**•••** **  
**

**#39**  
  
Undercover mission, Sakuma and Miyoshi has to act in front of other normal people in a party. 

**  
Sakuma: Beautiful, isn't it?**

**Miyoshi: They're disgusting.**

**Sakuma: No, they're normal men. And you'll have to act just like them, so pay attention.**

**•••**

 

**Author's Note:**

> More to come!!


End file.
